Bloggers, I’m back, so you can all heave a collective sigh of relief. Whew.
I was on a penis-free girls trip to the Gulf Coast last week, aka Girls Gone Gulf, with my mama, sister and daughter.
That’s right. No penis shoved in my face for a week, whether it be due to my boy’s diaper change or my husband’s excessive Bud Light consumption. And man, it felt good.
I learned several things on this trip.
My 5 year old baby girl is advanced in the language of sarcasm. She fit in just fine with the me and the other women in my family.
Fried shrimp and beer for several consecutive nights totally wrecks that Suzanne Somers’ diet. I gained 7 pounds which totally transformed the way I look in a tube top bikini…..and not a good transformation, let me tell ya.
Another thing I learned, while sunbathing in the white sand, was that I received the Lurker’s Award by Flood G of the Yeah Write # 59 Challenge for my in-depth and visually stimulating piece, “Don’t Touch That Cow!” I want to thank Flood G for bestowing this rocking award upon me. I’m truly honored. Also, thanks to those two pigs for getting busy while that perverted peacock watched…while that perverted me captured it on film. Good times.
And speaking of awards, I also learned this week that I was nominated for the Kreative Blogger award by 4, no 2, yes 2, awesome bloggers- Robin and Wily Guy.
So, what does this all mean, you may ask? It means that the planets have finally aligned the way that I have been wanting them to align-all thanks to my “Align the Planets the Way I Want Them To Align” alignment ray that I have been working on in my basement for the last 12 years. I made just the perfect tweaks and adjustments and ALAS! I am winning awards left and right. This was my plan all along! Insert maniacal laughter here. And here. And here some more. Bahahahah!
No, really, this means that these two awesome bloggers think I am kind of awesome, which humbles me immensely. Let me tell you a couple of damn things about these kids, and then I will proceed with the Kreative Blogger rules. I think the first rule should be that we change Kreative to Creative….only because I am uber anal about mispellings. I just mispelled mispellings to be funny. I only made myself angry in the process.
Robin is a beautiful writer. I thoroughly enjoy reading her views on the world, life, faith, love, etc. She’s been following me since the beginning, and she’s always so kind to comment on my ridiculous ramblings. I really heart her, her blog, and I just want to eat a blueberry muffin and drink cocoa with her in a log cabin while she schools me on life. Aw. With a snuggie. Yeah, a snuggie.
Wily Guy is a hoot. I never use the word hoot. It reminds me of my grandmother. She always said, “Oh, that so and so is such a hoot.” I thought it was cute and clever, but I’ve never personally used the word, however, Wily Guy is, indeed, a hoot. I really enjoy his writing, his stories, his humor, and the fact that he always has nice things to say about me. Wily Guy, you are a hoot. This is a huge compliment.
Read these guys. If you don’t, I will hunt you down with a tube of Preparation H and shrink your ass to death. Remember, I am knowledgeable in the production of alignment rays, death rays, and it would be no problem for me to throw together a Prep H ray.
So, this Creative Kreative Blogger award comes with a couple of stipulations. As I’ve said before, I’m all anti-government and damn the man when it comes to rules, but I happily comply when it comes to these blogger awards. So, here we go.
THE RULES:
1. Thank and link back to the awarding blog.
2. Answer seven questions.
3. Provide 10 random factoids about yourself.
4. Hand the award on to 7 deserving others.
I have 422 favorite songs. Seriously, I do. One of them is Marshall Tucker’s “Can’t You See” because my daddy used to play guitar and sing me to sleep with that tune. None of that “Hush Little Baby” stuff at my house. As a 5 year old, I was lulled to sleep by the sounds of southern rock and dreams of the 70s.
#2. What’s your favorite desert?
My mother’s homemade Mississippi Mud cake. Oh. My. Damn. I would pump that stuff into me intravenously if I could.
#3. What do you do when you are upset?
I get snot all over my face, rock myself in a corner like a crack addict, and then I pray. The praying part always works.
#4. Which is your favorite pet?
My dearly departed Lhasa Apso named Peaches. I had that little fuzz muffin for 16 long years, and she was the best friend I have ever known. I miss her so much that I don’t think I will ever love another pet again.
#5. Which do you prefer, White or Whole Wheat?
Whole wheat, baby. I dropped 3, 123 tons when I got off that Wonder White. That stuff’ll mess you up.
#6. What is your your biggest fear?
Tornadoes. I always dream of tornadoes a few days before they hit. No lie. I tried to get a job with the Weather Channel, but they don’t have a Psychic Forecast Department.
#7. What is your attitude mostly?
I’m usually Mary Freaking Sunshine unless it is the third week of my cycle. During that time, children and small animals scurry for cover when I come around. Yeah, it gets ugly up in here.
10 RANDOM FACTS:
WOW, I’m humbled and honored to be on the short list!!! Also, as the only female in my house, I’m mighty jealous of your penis free vacation.
You’re deserving, my lady…of this award and some penis free time.
I’m so flattered to receive anything from you and to be on that great list, thank you so much!!
I snickered and giggled about the budlight penis in your face problem. For me it’s less penis in the face and more about my body parts being pulled out of my clothes when I’m trying to study or do the dishes or talk on the phone. For Petes sake honey just go to sleep! 😉
I do a happy dance about food too. I dont pee in pools but sometimes I do in the shower. And… now everyone knows way more about Pish Posh than they’d ever want to.
Matthew McConaughey would totally love you. Im sure it’s just his stupid assistants getting in the way.
I just heart you and this entire comment, despite the fact you piss in the shower. Pish PoSH kinda sounds like Piss SHower. Hmmm….
WOOOOOOOOO! Thanks so much. I’m psyched. 🙂 and honored and keeping the K in Kreative.
Go ‘head, girl.
Thats so sweet what you said about me! Thanks a bunch.
Being free from the penis in the face on occasion is good. We all need a break, right????? so glad you had a good time….
Thank you, sweet girl.
I never get to enjoy a penis free vacation… I should be jealous, but the incident with the weed whacker is as close as I have come (so much double entendre in that sentence…)
WG “the hoot”
http://itsmynd.com
Baahhaa!! That’s all I can say!!
Hoot.
Squeee! I was laughing my buns off (Preparation H free I might add because I read Robin HTV and Wily Guy) and then I got to our name. I am honored! And I’m sure Erin is too, but our general rule is not to speak for one another, so don’t tell her I said anything.
I am with you on the misspellings. Kozy Kitchens and Kreative Korners (that right there is a twofer)can katch a bus to Kanada and get out of my mind. The worse is there is an academic type camp in our area called Kids in Kollege. How in the hell can you misspell college? Full Disclosure: I have now checked this comment multiple times for typos so that I can sit comfortably on my high horse.
And girl, I don’t think you dodged an ugly bullet. You could pretty up any DNA. The force is strong with you, it is.
Thank you so much! Ellen
This entire comment made me laugh my fat fried shrimp beer buns off, so thank you!!
One thing…you put “the worse” instead of “the worst.” Are you still sitting comfortably on your grammatically correct high horse??!
I’m kidding, of course. I just love you and I can speak for myself when I say I love Erin, too.
Kanada…ha!
Shit! Horses always hated me! Ellen
“Cant you see” is one of my all time favorite songs. Of course I was a teen when it was released. Brings back very special memories.
Oh, me, too, Mickie!
Congratulations! I too have so many favourite songs that the collective sound they make would register on a seismograph. And I also don’t care much for the Kardashians – in fact I don’t think i’ve met anyone who does… Who’s watching that show?
Thanks. The Kardashians are watching that show!
Thanks, woman! You rock my world and my life became a thousand times brighter the day I stumbled (rather drunkenly) upon your blog. I would like to invest in your Preparation H ray as long as you promise to use it on me first. My ass could use a little shrinking – not a whole lot ( I like a little junk in my assy region) but just in the cellulite department.
You mean to tell me that you were drunk when you stumbled upon my blog!??!? The horror!!! I can whip up something for your trunk, my lady.
Gee thanks, WRR.
“Can’t You See” is a great (under-appreciated) tune and knowing your history, I understand why you dig it so much.
Off to start my homework. Thanks for the award!
Very welcome!!!