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Whoa! I’m Published!

Susannah B. Lewisby Susannah B. Lewis
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When I was a young girl, I’d sit around scribbling stories on colorful construction paper. Then I’d imagine that my story was published. I would pretend I was a world renowned literary critic and I’d write amazing reviews on the back of the little pamphlet in big, sloppy handwriting. 

**Best book in the world.

**Eight year old Susannah has written a really good book. 

**Two thumbs and two big toes up!

**This piece of literature tugged at my heartstrings. The innocence that pours forth from young Susannah’s soul onto this bright red sheet of construction paper is parallel only with the words produced by Jane Austen in 1813. 

I was dreaming big back in 1989, wasn’t I?

So I went to college and writing was driven right out of me. It was replaced with a love of nicotine and Strawberry Boone’s Farm. I didn’t care so much for writing stories “parallel only with the words produced by Jane Austen in 1813.”

By the grace of God, my passion for writing was rekindled once I grew up and got my stuff together. I started working on a novel. I wrote a buttload of short stories. Then I tucked them away into a big, blue Rubbermaid tote, content that no one would read my words except for my children in the year 2078 while I was using a bed pan at Shady Pines Nursing Home, foaming at the mouth and singing Springsteen’s “Glory Days”. 

When I decided to start blogging 10 months ago, it was for selfish purposes only. In truth, my handwriting has gotten bigger and sloppier over the years, and I could no longer read my journal. I figured I would start typing my thoughts, my crazy stories, my rants about stay at home mothers and grown women that wear puffy paint cats on their sweatshirts while eating bean dip at the neighborhood Grub and Gab.

I had no idea that people would read it. And like it. And read it some more. And that my following would grow. And that I would open a Twitter account. And that blogging would become my business. And that I would actually have my work published twice within a 3 week period. God is good, isn’t He?

I wrote earlier about one of my short stories being featured in August 2012’s edition of Southern Writers Magazine. I know I’m milking that for all it’s worth, but if you care to read the blog post about it then click here. Wait, not there. Here.

I am also thrilled-okay, beyond thrilled- to announce that I’m on fire, baby. Kindle Fire.

Several months ago, I was asked to submit a couple of posts for a humourous e-book, All Cracked Up: Funny Stories of Life, Love and Loonies.. After defecating on myself and calling Phil Donahue, I gladly accepted.

I don’t want to toot my own tuba for being a part of something so majestic, but All Cracked Up consists of some great writing. While reading it, I nearly defecated on myself again. But I didn’t call Phil. Phil told me to never call him after defecating on myself again. Damn you, Phil.

For the low, low price of two bones and 99 cents, you can download your own copy of All Cracked Up from Amazon.com. Yes, delete that horrific 50 Shades of Porn and make room for this gem in your Cloud. You will not be disappointed.

Aside from my genius, you can find the following bloggers-

Not since the critically acclaimed film, “The Outsiders”, have I seen such an awesome cast. They will not disappoint. I hope you will check it out and fall in love with some wonderfully witty bloggers. 
I want to thank all of my family, friends, and readers for their support, encouragement, feedback and comments. I want to thank God Almighty for blessing me with the passion to write and so many opportunities. 
Here is the part where I become a really annoying self-promoting ass hat.
Go buy Southern Writers Magazine and All Cracked Up. Mama needs some new skinny jeans and an I phone. I mean, really. I still have a Droid. It missed being a Razor flip phone by like three weeks. And the #1 button on it doesn’t even work. Do you realize how much you use the number 1? Well, you do when the SOB doesn’t work. 
A special thanks to my friend, Pish Posh. If we ever meet, I would definitely piss on you if you were on fire. Or if a Jellyfish stung you. Or if you really like golden showers and R. Kelly wasn’t available. 

Okay, that went too far. I’d only urinate on you for the fire or Jellyfish thing. I swear.  
Update: My novel has reached chapter 21 and I’m still not sick of these characters. I’ve yet to throw my laptop across the room and curse the whole writing process, so I am optimistic that I might actually finish this one before Thanksgiving. If, God willing and the creek don’t rise, this book is actually published, this self-promoting ass hattery will seem mild. I hate braggy people but if my face ends up in Books A Million, and I don’t mean as an employee with a black apron and name badge asking if you’d like to join a book club, then I am liable to defecate on myself in mammoth proportions. And guess what? I’m calling Phil anyway.

 

Susannah B. Lewis

Susannah B. Lewis

Wife, Mama, Author, Humorist, Podcaster, Southerner, Jesus Follower, CEO of Twelve Tails Farm.

29 comments

  2. Pish Posh says:

    I just adore the pants off you, lady. Toot your own tuba? I’m totally borrowing that. And OMG I LOVE THE OUTSIDERS. When I was a kid I read that book over and over until I began to believe I actually was Ponyboy.

    Erm, anyway… 😉 congrats on this – your stories are great! – and the Southern Writers publication. Amazing!!

  6. Workingdan says:

    Time to pop the bubbly! Next thing you know, all of bloggers in this book will get hooked on having published material and we’ll all start pumping out novels!

  7. momnextdoor says:

    Congrats! That is completely awesome!

    If I buy your book which enables you to buy skinny jeans will that mean you will pick up a pair for me too? I will pay for my pair but I just hate jean shopping and skinny jeans are even worse. I think that’s a fair trade. No?

  12. Sandra says:

    All this defecating…you and my husband have a lot in common…except he has nothing published and certainly isn’t going to be featured in a book with a group of fabulous blogger! Congrats! I am green with envy, and yet I am beaming with happiness…’cause Jesus would want me to…well, i want to to, but Jesus made me do it.

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