Saturday had arrived, and I dropped my daughter off at my mother’s house for the day. She’s almost 7 and really enjoys hanging out with my mom. She was pumped because she was getting new flip flops and the opportunity to look at Amish people at the farmer’s market.
My husband had plans to take the boy and gallavant around town doing guy stuff. This left me alone for the entire Saturday. Naturally, I was in an awesome mood. When I’m in awesome mood, my first instinct is to eat.
I think my mood gland is connected to my food gland. Or something.
I’ve been eating “clean” for almost two years. I very rarely indulge in junk and hormone-laden beef, but I was in such a good mood that I wanted to devour something naughty and delicious. I set my sights on Sonic.
It’s okay to go “unclean” once in a while. And nothing screams “unclean” like a can of imitation chili dumped over some small, round hashbrowns.
Watching me scarf down this food was like watching Connie Conehead inhale a foot long sub sandwhich. It wasn’t pretty. In fact, it was ugly.
I finished my meal and enjoyed the silence of sitting in my car at Sonic. There was no screaming from the back seat. There were no fallen tater tots in the seat belt clicker thing. It was just me, Sonic, and the digestive process.
When I was finally ready to go, I turned the ignition, and nothing happened. Nada. The battery was dead.
Sonic is a heck of a place for your battery to die I mean, no one can pull up in front of the car to jump it off unless they want to ram over the picnic tables and a sign advertising a “Big Bacon Clubber.”
I tried to call my husband and got his voicemail. I guess doing guy stuff with the 3 year old didn’t include answering the phone.
I finally pressed the order button and told the voice on the other side of the speaker box covered in Peanut Butter Fudge Shakes, “I have an odd request. My car battery is dead. Can anyone come out and jump it off?”
The girl laughed at me and said someone would be out shortly.
I felt totally embarassed to be sitting at Sonic with a popped hood, but at least I didn’t look like these people.
A matter of seconds passed when a young fellow that looked to have escaped from his mother’s womb only moments earlier approached my car and said he’d be glad to help. I thanked him numerous times.
I didn’t think to blog about this situation at that moment. I mean, nothing was really funny about this. It was unfortunate, yes, but my car battery dying at Sonic wasn’t blogworthy.
But that soon changed.
I saw the kid hop into his relic Ford Ranger, and I thought, “He’s going to jump off this incredibly large SUV with that thing? Is he sure this is going to work? Will his truck fly through the air like it’s been hit by an F5 tornado when he hooks that little thing up to this beast of a vehicle? It’s almost like a Mastiff and a Yorkiepoo mating. Something is bound to explode.”
I worried even more when he tried to start his truck and it stalled. And stalled. And stalled some more.
“I’m going to have to walk home. I just know it,” I mumbled to myself as the little pickup choked.
By the grace of God, the Ranger sputtered to life and he pulled next to me.
The cables didn’t reach.
So, he backed out and tried again.
No sir.
As he was pulling out the second time, some trick in a ball cap and a silver Town and Country MV whipped in the spot right next to mine- the perfect spot for this kind young gentleman to help me.
My hood was popped. She was aware that I was having car problems. She’d seen the Ranger heading for that space, and yet she took it. The Sonic was nearly empty. She could’ve parked anywhere, and yet this was the spot she chose.
The little kid in the sputtering Ranger threw up his hands in frustration.
“Mam?” I called from my window.
She looked at me.
Meanly.
“I’m sorry, do you mind moving? My battery is dead and that kid is trying to jump me off. He needs to park there.”
She didn’t smile and say, “Oh, sure! No problem!”
She didn’t smile and say, “Well, duh, your hood is up, isn’t it? Excuse me for being an ignorant female dog.”
She didn’t smile. She didn’t say anything. A peeved look covered her face as she rolled up her window and slowly moved her van.
I loathe ignorant people. I loathe rude people. I loathe that woman in her Town and Country.
So, the kid finally pulled as close as possible. He tried to pop the hood on the relic Ranger, but it wasn’t happening. I noticed his hands were shaking. He was really nervous.
As I watched his trembling hands trying desperately to yank the hood, I thought, “I’ve still got it. This young kid thinks I’m the hottest 31 year old woman he’s ever seen. He’s so intimidated by my beauty that he’s shaking.”
I held my head high and asked if he needed some help.
He said yes.
It was no small feat, but we succeeded in pulling up the hood.
He broke out the jumper cables, which looked to have been spliced and repaired in several ways, and he attached them to my car. I nearly dove behind the dumpster when sparks started a-flying.
I don’t know much, but I know how to match colors on a set of booster cables. The kid, however, did not.
“Watch it now! You need help?” a really large guy called from his truck parked across from us.
“No, sir, I got it!” the shaking boy yelped.
“You’re gonna blow up that lady’s car! Are you sure you got it?” he called again, onion ring waving violently in his hand.
“Yes, sir, I got it,” he said again, matching the colors and wiping the sparks from his hair.
It took a while, but he finally got it figured out. My car roared to life, and I was relieved I wasn’t going to have to walk home. My gut was heavy with imitation chili. I wouldn’t have made it 33 steps.
I told him that I didn’t have any cash on my person, but if I did, I would have tipped him nicely. He really went through a lot of trouble and almost went up in smoke because of his kind gesture.
And he didn’t think I was hot. He wasn’t intimidated by my 31 year old crow’s feet, my lack of make-up and the stray bobby pins hanging from my hair.
He was nervous because he’d obviously never used jumper cables.
But I have a feeling that his Ranger will be needing them soon.
Too funny! My battery died last Tuesday night in the Wal-Mart parking lot as I was making a “late night” run, kid free! It was almost midnight when I returned to my car, only to realize it was dead. Do you KNOW what kind of people frequent the Jackson Wal-Mart at midnight?? NOT the kind you want to ask help from! I quickly ran inside, scanned the check-out area for the least shady looking person I could find and thankfully my intuition was spot on. The nicest gentlemen gladly helped me out and he didn’t even follow me home and kill my entire family, as I suspected he might. Glad to know there are some Good Samaritans roaming around in Jackson, Tennessee! =)
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You crack me the hell up. What I find most amazing is that your digestive system didn’t explode while you were waiting for your battery to be jumped. I usually can’t make it home from Sonic without serious explosions. TMI I know!!!!!
You had me at “gallavant.” Only us Southern gals know how to gallavant.
Oh my God so funny!!! If I called Mr. gaga to come get me at Sonic on my day off from the kids I think I wouldn’t have heard the end of it for quite a while….
And here in CT we “jump off” a diving board and we “jump” a car….interesting…
I have to “dive in” here and say the same for us in Ohio and where I grew up in Chicago!! That is so funny Lady Goo Goo Gaga- I thought the same thing! I’ve never heard of it said that way… “Jump Off” Ha!
I pictured every piece of this scene come together…and I thought for SURE that mean, rude and ignorant woman was going to do something really really bad. I was so relieved she didn’t assault you! But I have a feeling, you would find a way to kick her a– with a little Oh Susannah spirit in ya!! That would actually be a really fun show to watch. Oh wait, you should have a reality show!!! I hate reality TV, but I would absolutely watch yours!
LOL Rude people are a breed all their own, ain’t they? About the only thing I can stomach from sonic is a Watermelon Slush. Yer a brave woman for eating their chili. Works better than any laxative known to man.
I never tried anything from Sonic. Not sure I will now, not that we have them out here on the Left Coast, so that’s an easy decision. This was a fantastic slice of life. I love the line “That soon changed” to make it blogworthy. I too was struck by the “jump off,” as Goo Goo said, we say “jump”. Fascinating, really, I’m not kidding. I love stories like this, everyday episodes. A nice kid, a rude ‘trick’ and imitation chili. It doesn’t get any better!
Wait. You’re only 31? I’m dying. You’re so young. And funny. And sonic’s chili is my great granny’s recipe.
Sounds like a fun little urban adventure.
A few years ago, I sat in a parking lot for a while in my Suburban with the key on so I could listen to the radio. When I tried to start it, DEAD. The real problem was that it was about 11:00 PM. Oh, yeah, and I was on crutches, with my left leg in a huge cast. I could have hopped maybe 300 yards before losing steam and collapsing in a ditch, and my house was 3 or 4 miles away.
There was a Domino’s pizza place right around the corner that had just closed for the night, but two employees were still finishing up inside. I had to beg them to let me in. I explained my situation and then had to beg them for help. One of them very reluctantly agreed to try jump starting the truck. (Seriously? You’re acting put out by this request? I’ve got fiberglass encasing my leg from the toes to the thigh!)
We couldn’t get it to start, and my only option was to call a cab. In my area, cabs are not common. I had to pay for one to come from the next city, about eight miles away. I finally got home okay, but man! if I’d only kept the engine running–or turned the key all the way off. I learned my lesson. And I will never buy pizza from that location, because they almost made me spend the night in my truck.
So many nuggets in this story that paint a hilarious picture! Someone running down the Sonic picnic tables. The kid’s truck flying through the air. Guy violently waving his onion ring telling the poor kid he was going to blow up your car. Sparks a flyin’. I can just imagine the whole scene!
As for the lady in the town and country…some people are just morons.
Oh that was so cute of him, helping out like that. And it is sort of funny because just when you thought you’d have a calm day away from the daily problems and routines…there came another trouble. Sorry though you didn’t enjoy the day as you were hoping to.
This is a great story! I try to eat clean too, but sometimes I just need some junk. You’re a great writer!
Great story!! I just found you on the Bloppy Bloggers–glad I did
Funny pics:) Very quirky and entertaining blog:)
Wonderful and funny as always. This is the kind of stuff she, her sister her brother, and I have been going through and laughing through all our lives. Momma
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